Your humble narrator, pre-Claus:




Step 1: Put on a shiny white undershirt and foofy pants.




Step 2: Stinky Velvet Coat

 


Step 3: Stinky beard




Step 4: Stinky wig




Step 5: Hat




Step 6: ARE YOU READY, COLUMBUS??!?!




Step 7: Distribute booty.




Step 8: Hastily construct webpage to inaugurate polezilla.com, then go eat Chinese food.

Thank you.